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Listen Show PodCast
Own-goal flavours, casual retirements & football clubs as sperm counts
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England's 25th-choice right-back & the definitive Movement XI
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Blown-open title races, punditspeak on the terraces & Woltemade's weird penalty
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xG's latest victim, Jamie O'Hara vs the RAF & football's goldfish bowls
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The last corner flag, acres of experience & Christianity's classy touches
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Playing for your dad's team & mercifully short injury time: The listeners' loves & hates
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5.88 EFL seconds, Andy Townsend in song intros & the "sick of the sight of him" threshold
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The Jose Mourinho box office & a one-man war on factually incorrect football anecdotes
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Mowbray vs Brotherton, goalkeepers worth 12 points & Keith Andrews in the building
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Serbian statements, Ange's unfinished business & Cape Verde: the World Cup Blackpool
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The MOTD intro scandal, Taxman FC & the most "cat amongst the pigeons" goal ever
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The Football Cliches Quiz XXI: Libero
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Slot's embarrassment of riches, hyperliteral stadium noises & Zidane vs Dyche
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Panenka-triggered goalkeepers & empty-net warm-up anxieties: The listeners' loves & hates
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Dyche goes dating, Dean Ashton's defensive doughnut & textbook piledrivers
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Champion flatulence, football punditry sat navs & Sean Dyche X Big Sam
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Vertical highlights, Farage's footballspeak & Stockley Park's canteen crisis
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8.55 seconds in Wrexham, Celeste's Sky Sports flame is out & niche 2025-26 predictions
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Curtain-raising issues, Wycombe's new goal verb & things you cannot be "amid”
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Conor Coady's football club, alphabetical top flights & the world's most generic team name
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Eastenders' Euro 2025 joy, #AccidentalCantona & "the most 2011 transfer of all time”
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The Football Cliches Quiz XX: The View From The Lane
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Goalkeepers' headers & elasticos on the deck of the Titanic: The listeners' loves & hates*
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The Agyemang Cacophony, the storm-weathering threshold & how clubs “get their man”
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Talispersons, textbook Turkish Super Lig & time limits for the commentator's curse
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The threshold for being "rudderless" & Tour de France riders as footballers
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Pre-season trophies, Iran in the Championship... and what happened to shin splints?
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Overage youth team mentors & the quickest repaying of a transfer fee ever
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Giving 40,000%, Test Match Andy Townsend & "Can you explore a swoop?”
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Wimbledon tennis players as footballers & the floodgates threshold
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Stopping Celeste's flame, pre-season lingo & Jhon Duran's reverse-gear career
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5-a-side injury updates & watching TV football from an acute angle: The listeners' loves & hates
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”The most involved-goals man", Swiss Army knives & watching the Roy Keane film trailer
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The Pure Bundesliga XI
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Count Infantula's Club World Cup, referee kit launches & goal sandwiches
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Heavy England shirts, absolute clinics & Club World Cup curiosity levels
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Dixon is the new Lawro, Ange's logical next move & "where the dust mites dwell”
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Vivaldo, the "end to end" threshold & the authenticity of Lionel Messi's pub crisps
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Tom Cruise on short corners, VAR at Tesco and introducing... Dreamland
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Proper clubs & "woke pressing" with the Screen Rot Podcast
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The 100-minute fetish club, Love Actually in Naples, and the ultimate "released on DVD" game
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Marmoush's hat-trick of Etihad gasps, Messi in Mobland & what makes a "shrewd" signing
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The Dean Henderson Final, Scottish police enganches & the hitman criteria
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The Football Cliches Quiz XIX: Not The Top 20
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The League of Farmers, metaphorical mountains & UFO-spotting Premier League managers
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Stanley Tucci's Champions League punditry, Furniccio Villaggione & a chat with Rudi Voller
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Perfectly-timed crowd noise, Jacko Wilsheri & managers who qualify as "glorified PE teachers”
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Football's present-tense addiction & penalty shootout celebrations: The listeners' loves & hates
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Accidental FIFA commentary, Newcastle's Fibonacci fate & Premier League cliche analytics
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Pope John Gregory, Premier League clubs as supermarkets & route-one crowd noise
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Fact-checking Paul Scholes, caretaker popes & Olivier Giroud's locker
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The Premier League Unfinished Business XI
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Prince William's punditry, TNT's "hipster gunk" and a gift from the Keys & Gray gods
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Ribblesdale Rovers vs The Rules, Chris Sutton vs football jargon & the exact definition of a "hoick”
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The ultimate managerial indignity & everything ITV crime dramas get wrong about football
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Doing a job on Chris Wilder & goalkeepers just booting it upfield, with Bryan's Gunn
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Free-transfer pundits, Daniel Mann's woodwork nuance & ex-Spurs defenders vs. the Jonas Brothers
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”Snuffing out the danger", pre-match strolling & drinking the opposition's water: The listeners' loves & hates
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90/10 tackles, Danish player ratings & how to board a train like a 30-goal striker
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Woke metrics, Erling Haaland's Pro Evo name & our niche England predictions
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The Carabao springboard, more musical commentary & the most Richard Keys-sounding tweet of all time
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Knowing your way around the Champions League, German woodwork & England's future one-cap wonders
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The whole 11.2 yards, DNA-level Lampardian Transitions - and Keys & Gray become one
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The Pure Discourse XI
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How to time a red card, penalty run-ups & commentator Robyn Cowen voice-controls a stadium
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The Football Cliches Quiz XVIII: It Was What It Was
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Champions-elect, relegated Rishi Sunak & Premier League managers with Athletic subscriptions
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How to celebrate an own goal & ball-boy etiquette: The listeners' loves & hates
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Chuckling stadiums, Things-in-Chief and, finally, some actual whispering of it quietly
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Crosses from the 1990s, baseball scores & the death of the managerial "war cry”
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Nursery rhymes with Fletch, Clark Kent goalkeeping & under-12s away-day cauldrons
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The Football Cliches Quiz XVII: The Commentators
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The "17th chess piece", the death of the onion bag & coded messages to the board
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Referees vs The Limelight, passages of terror & Matt 1 Hernia 0
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"Football, bloody football", UK garage Postecoglou & the exact weight of a Premier League point
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Cometh the quinquennium, cometh the pod
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Has the Premier League hit peak “What a job [Manager X] is doing up/down there?”
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Portrait-aspect football & England managers in the stands: The listeners' loves & hates (feat. Chloe Petts)
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WW2 with Ray Parlour, Tamworth's global appeal & the 1863 Ballon d'Or winner
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Trip-hop Liam Delap, the terminal velocity of a lob & the goal gifting crisis
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The first embers of a game, heavy-metal Jonathan Pearce & the Andy Gray of lacrosse
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”Listen, fair play": The Best of Football Clichés in 2024
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The Football Cliches Quiz XVI: Career We Go - The Rematch
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Cliches do Mesut Haaland Dicks: Adam, Charlie & Dave’s footballing loves & hates
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The blip-to-crisis benchmark, Comedy Central defending & Australian red card music
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Commentators sampled in experimental French pop & the ultimate generic multi-club ownership group
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Unexpected Sutton, diags on MOTD & the “good time to play them” threshold
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The best 9.3% of the FA Cup draw, the "stand named after you" threshold & Richard Keys on cars
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An educated left head, the first goal ever uploaded to YouTube & the "big-money signing" formula
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Sunday League set-piece routines, the "olé" threshold & mistimed minute's applauses: The listeners' loves & hates
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5.54 seconds of away-goal confusion, footballers in US T-junctions and the official Keys & Gray app
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The Bosman legacy, optimum camera angles & double saves, with Luke Moore
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59 consecutive hat-tricks, yo-yo countries and the first-ever usage of "tippy-tappy football”
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Deodorant ads, Don(ald) Goodman & "The Deeney Guy": Cliches meets Sky Sports commentator Bill Leslie
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xG meets crime dramas & the Sunday League to Premier League hat-trick pathway
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The Vitality Stadium swing state, Noel Gallagher's co-comms & the "big five" of cheese
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”Still 0-0, lads!", a man named Hattrick & the mid-2010s throw-in scandal
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Curses vs Hoodoos, journeyman film directors & Keysey's philosophers
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Jack Reacher's Villa 5-a-side team, two Andy Townsends & the most darts-looking PL manager
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Styling out fake injuries & "How long ref?!": The listeners' loves & hates (feat. Doc Brown)
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